At the start of my awakening, twelve years ago, I had my first conversation with my 6 year-old inner child who I affectionately refer to as LT (Little Tina). I actually thought to myself… What could she possibly have to tell me? Honestly, there was a part of me that thought this was somewhat “hokey”; I never imagining she might have something important to share. At times we can be so limited in our scope to see the truth about our own Divine nature. Nevertheless, it was a homework assignment in Spiritual Life Coaching School so, I went for it! After a short meditation, I asked her to come forward and BAM… There she was in a cute little dress and braids with ribbons! I got so excited! Patting my lap I said, Hi there… Come over here and sit with me! She immediately said, No! I was like… What? Why? She said, Because I don’t trust you! I said, Wait… What do you mean? Why not? Of course you can trust me! She said, No, I can’t trust you because you give all your power away to men! In that moment, I literally stopped breathing. A part of me was shocked but I also knew in my Soul, she was 100% right.
For all those years prior, every one of my partner relationships involved a struggle around power. My belief that I wasn’t worthy of the love I desired in a relationship, caused me to feel insecure and I proved it to myself again and again by giving my power away to men. Being just as unconscious to their patterns as I was at the time, they took it. I was disrespected, lied to, cheated on and manipulated over and over again. I was attracting perfectly… This was just how I was treating myself. Although I didn’t understand it at the time, I wasn’t victimized by these men. They didn’t “take my power”… I handed it to them on a silver platter. I was only a victim to my own false, negative beliefs about my worth. In the spaces and places we don’t value our self, the mirror will show us clearly. I also experienced the other side of this coin and had 2 partners, also with low self worth, hand me their power. This felt just as horrible. In these relationships, I was exhausted and unconscious to what was happening. In hind-sight, I see I completely accepted responsibility for them. I felt responsible for whatever they were feeling or not feeling; doing or not doing. In one case, I became a “mother” to my partner (not fun!) In the other, I walked on egg shells around his insecurities, moods and triggers (even less fun!) In both cases I pushed way too hard to get them to step up and take responsibility for themselves. But really, how could they? I was already doing the job!
After LT laid this truth bomb on me she said, Look, I’m a smart little girl and I collected all of your power back and I put it right here in this purple sack! I’m going to give it back to you now but if you give it away again, you’re on your own! I thanked her and I immediately promised I would never give it away again! I rolled up my sleeves and went to work rebuilding my self esteem. I wish I could say I kept that promise to her… But, to be honest, I didn’t. I never gave it away to that extent again and the work I did showed up in the mirror of the men that I attracted. It’s always an inside job and the mirror doesn’t lie. I believe when it comes to our big themed growth opportunities (and BOY is this one of mine!) we heal in layers.
I’ve come to understand the seat of our power is rooted in the truth of who we are and all we are connected to. As Wayne Dyer said… We are spiritual beings having a human experience. We really are divine by design and innately powerful. Did this understanding make all my negative patterns around low self worth in relationship disappear? No… But it definitely eradicated a huge mass! Once conditioned otherwise, it can be challenging to change our negative patterns around low self worth. So, if you can relate, don’t ever give up… And, it’s never too late! I saw myself as someone who, yes, had a gift to communicate with the Divine but I still didn’t see myself as the Divine… In this area of my life, anyway. I certainly saw substantial evidence in all the other areas of my life… I just didn’t fully make the leap into the relationship sector. In relationships, I didn’t understand how to treat myself with that same level of love, self-acceptance and respect. Being caught in this gap I continued to, albeit more subtly and covertly, play out these old patterns driven by FEARs of inadequacy; still attempted to hide anything I judged about myself. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I attempted to give my power away to two more men over the years!
Both of these men are incredibly dear to me and I am filled with gratitude for their continued support in my life. I have learned so much from them and I’ve learned to love me more by seeing myself through their eyes. They gave me an opportunity to see and explore this disempowering pattern of mine up close and personal. Neither of them ever accepted or took responsibility for my power. I’m grateful to them and myself for doing the work… Again, the mirror doesn’t lie. I looked at the commonalities. In both cases, I felt like my power was safer in their hands than it was in my own. This, rubbing up against my not feeling fully worthy of either of them left me in FEAR that I could be abandoned at any moment. The truth is… I had abandoned myself with those beliefs. And, in abandoning myself, I tried to manipulate them into giving me the love and acceptance I wasn’t giving myself. I trusted both of them more than I trusted myself. I made all they are more important to me than who I AM. I shut up many times vs. speaking my truth. There were times I was so afraid (and hiding) that I couldn’t even find the words to express what I was feeling. Then I wondered why I didn’t feel “seen”. I’ve apologized to both of these men and forgiven myself. When we give our power away to others, it’s a boundary violation. Our power belongs in our own hands. One of them said to me… I didn’t want your power; it’s hard enough for me to keep my own. Ain’t that the truth!
The journey to empowerment isn’t for sissies! The truth is… The better it gets, the better it gets! It’s a process. The overly simplified key to holding your own power in relationships is in knowing, loving and embracing all of who you are and having the courage to express it… Warts and all.
If you relate to this, it’s so important to take every step you can to regain your self-worth and step into your power.
As some of you know, the Rock All Your Relationships Retreat in Sedona, AZ (October 24-28, 2017) has gone through many changes… Just like the rest of the world! This is one of my favorite of all! If you would like to immerse yourself in the amazing energy of the Red Rocks while learning how YOU CAN STEP INTO YOUR POWER, we have 2 available spots left! Come join us… I can promise that you will leave this retreat feeling more empowered than you ever thought was possible! I would be honored and thrilled to help you shift what we both most need to learn! We are all in this together and we have an amazing team of practitioners ready to be of powerful service on your empowerment journey!
Here’s what Maqa has to say about being the keeper of your own power.
Good day everyone,
I hope this message finds you all understanding you are the keeper of your own power. Your power is yours and only yours to stand within! This power is yours innately and can only be taken from you if you abandon yourSelf. No one can take your power away from you. However, if you do not own the fact that your power is yours to keep… The mirror will reflect this back to you en mass. As long as you give others the right to have a negative influence over the way you feel, think and/or act, you will have a difficult time reaching your divine life’s potential and purpose.
Although you most commonly give your power away in relationships, that is not exclusive. Many give their power away to feelings of lack; unhealthy lifestyle choices, physicians, their careers, perfectionist behaviors, religion, and even the government.
Here are some signs you could be giving your power away in your relationships:
You feel compelled to prove your worth to others: If you feel unworthy and lack self-love and acceptance, you will go out of your way to prove your worth in an attempt to cover up the feelings of lack happening inside you. This can exhibit in many different ways such as: People pleasing, needing approval of others, pretending and/or hiding how you truly feel, pointing the finger, hyper-sensitive to criticism, and you find yourself in denial; pretending everything is “fine” when it feels anything but fine. It is important to remember, you are not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and this says absolutely nothing about your own worth. However, if you judge yourself and believe that it does… It will be so in your experience. This is more than you not allowing other people’s opinions of you dictate how you feel about yourself. It is about you not judging you. When you judge yourself, you keep yourself running on the hamster wheel, chasing your own worth.
You remain in toxic relationships: There is never a good enough reason to stay in toxic relationships. The only thing you will receive from doing so is, hopefully, an understanding of why you should never do so again. When you remain in any relationship that has become toxic, you have turned your back on yourself. If you are choosing to stay while feeling resentful and believing the life force is being drained from your very being, you must question this choice! It is important to care about how you feel and make that your first priority. Understand that when you respect your own boundaries, you will not attract the need to be so communicative about what your boundaries are to others. They will understand how to treat you based on your own example. Remaining in toxic relationships is self-deprecating and only serves to validate the false negative belief that you don’t matter. Staying is also a sure fire way to keep yourself from healing and attracting the relationship you desire and truly deserve. The only answer is to turn back toward you and turn toward Spirit… Allow us to help you re-ember your divine loving nature.
You make choices based on your fault-finding, inner critic’s BS: If you are taking action or not taking action based upon the old negative BS thoughts of your inner critic, you are stripping yourself of your own power. It is a dangerous practice to heed the advice of this voice. It will keep you living in a groundhogs day doom loop cycle of your own making. Listening to this voice will only cause you to roll out your favorite FEAR-based patterns. Do you hide and have many perfectly feasible reasons for isolating? Perhaps you stay in relationships that no longer serve you? Or, maybe you operate a revolving door, attracting the same type of person or relationship again and again… All attached to a string of different faces. Spirit will shout above the voice of your inner critic every now and again but partnering with your mind is your responsibility and it’s important for you to respond with ability. Know that your inner critic is full of BS!
Your day and mood is determined by the actions of others: When the tone of your day is determined by either the mood or actions of others, you have handed over your power. If your thoughts are consumed by what someone else is thinking/not thinking, feeling/not feeling or doing /not doing, you have lost your focus on what is truly important – You! Other people are not beholden to think, feel or act differently so you can feel better. We ask you to please make how you feel your number one priority and to understand that YOU are the only one responsible for how you feel!
How can you take back your power?
Develop a solid relationship with Spirit: Connect and allow us to remind you of who you are. When you are connected, you will feel passionate, energized and full of life force! When inspired, you are filled with higher vibration feelings such as love, peace and bliss! We will empower you to transform and create the life you desire! Come and allow us to show you what unconditional love feels like. Spirit is non-judgmental… We see choices and experiences. We are the energy of fire… We will light your way and give you the very next step to take on your journey home to who you are.
Commit to putting yourself first: Putting yourself first is not selfish. You cannot put yourself at the bottom of your priority list and feel a sense of self worth. You can be a great partner, friend, mom, dad, healer, leader, etc. and take care of yourself first! If you are giving from an empty cup, what energy are you actually passing along? Fill your own cup first!
Love and accept yourself: Your ability or inability to love and accept yourself exactly as you are will determine your feelings of self-worth. When you learn to love and accept yourself, others will too. Be kind, be gentle, be loving to yourself and others.
Learn to create and maintain healthy boundaries: If you never set, respect and protect your own boundaries, you will not feel emotionally safe and secure. When you don’t learn to maturely protect your boundaries, you will resort to using ego defenses in order to defend yourself. This could look like withdrawal and/or isolation, emotional enmeshment or revenge and retaliate. Each person has a different modus operandi. It is most important to not annihilate your own boundaries. You can do this by saying yes when you want to say no, pretending to be someone you are not, not sharing how you feel, pretending to agree when you disagree, pushing yourself beyond your own limits or ignoring your own emotional, physical and spiritual needs.
Accept responsibility for your thoughts and your feelings: Become aware of your own negative self talk. The way you speak to yourself, determines how you feel. You and you alone are responsible for how you feel. No one else can make you feel anything… Your feelings are your choice. When you try and control the actions of others so you can feel better, you are out of your power. Take responsibility for how you feel. We urge you to feel your feelings and stay out of reaction mode. Communicate what you feel with the right person, at the right time, to the right degree, about the right topic. This will help place you back in the seat of your power.
Step out of the Victim/Drama Triangle: If you aren’t familiar with this triangle, I urge you to educate yourself on the concept. If you recognize yourself within the situation, I urge you to step our as quickly as possible. Your awareness of how it is playing out in your life is the most important step to not allowing yourself to get pulled in again and again. The next step is to continually bring your awareness back to yourself and understand that you have the power to change your circumstances. Remember, you always have a choice. It is important to stay focused on what you want to create.
If you make it a practice, these steps will help you realize and actualize your sense of self-worth and value. It is important to understand that there is no amount of karma, childhood wounds, horrible experiences (present or past), opinion of others (no matter how popular) that have the power to separate you from your dreams. The only one who can separate you from your dreams is you! And, when you do this, you separate yourself from who you really are… Spirit!
We would instead like you to begin to think of Spirit as your power partners on this journey… Not your leaders! You are no less powerful than we are. We are one… We are not separate from you. We only exhibit different attributes based upon the fact that, at this time, we chose to sit in different dimensions. And, each day that veil between us gets thinner and thinner! The time has come for you to truly understand what powerful beings you are. Keep your intentions heart based and believe in your worth and you will soon feel centered in your power and will manifest the life you desire. This is a very exciting time! Use it to take steps towards experiencing your own true power… The magic within!
We are forever grateful for the opportunity to share these experiences with you. Please remember to ask us for help… We are past ready, more than willing and amazingly ABLE! You are so dearly loved and you are never alone!
Giving love from the heart,
Check it out!
Only 2 spaces left! Is one of them yours?
Rock All Your Relationships Retreat
October 24 - 28, 2017
Are you a woman who's ready to love and be loved fiercely, fearlessly and freely? Are you ready to create a new level of self-worth and understand what it means to be the keeper of your power? Then join Tina Provenzano, DebRa Falanga, and an amazing Team of Practitioners for a transformative spiritual retreat that will open your eyes, expand your heart and leave your Soul Soaring while you soak up the sacred energies of the Red Rocks in Sedona, AZ!